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+gloria
21.12.2012.
I am Nothing Without Love
I got up when it was already dark, at 4.30 PM. I wanted to kill myself, but I have run out of whiskey, I finished it last night. There is some plum brandy, but I’d rather not kill myself with plum brandy.
So I had to enter a new day. There is one good thing in my life and her name is Dijana. But Dijana has a lover, his name is Spenser and I am unimportant to her. And Spenser works for the blue angels, and I have only one pair of balls, and both were broken on Friday.
I don’t know what to do today. There is nothing else.
I keep falling into hibernation, more and more every day. For the New Year’s Eve I’ll go to sleep forever, unless Irina calls me. But she won’t, I know the whore too well.
I can’t see well in the dark, I’ll turn on the TV.
The fucking winter, no light. I cannot be happy in winter. I cannot be happy, ever, especially not in winter. That’s why I have given in to the sweet black depression… The demons have come, they are eating at my soul, and I have let them. Maybe I’ll be better tomorrow… Though I doubt it.
19,00
I am nothing without love. I have been like this for a long time, and it can hurt, I sometimes moan, I am often patient. God’s Will is something that shouldn’t be doubted. If there is God. If not, then I really don’t know.
21,00
Hard days. A sad youth. Wasted years.
Still, there is strength and determination. Refusing to obey. Freedom won. Too much freedom won. Days of joy, all those days that I slept through.
The Devil in the TV. But I have to turn the TV on, there is no other light…
If we can make it to the end of the day, we have accomplished a small miracle. When we go to sleep, all we can hope for is to see the miracle of another day. Life is painful, but there is beauty in the pain. If you have never felt the pain, you have never really lived.
Autor Luna — 23 Dec 2009, 07:36
Thank you Luna for unselfish help. I sure will know to mention you in my magnum opus... The author
Autor srpskisamoubica — 23 Dec 2009, 16:35